Days with the Cormier's

Happy Mother's Day! I feel like my life began the day LJ was born. Real life. Life with the fullest meaning and fully outside of myself. I went into the hospital wondering if I'd love this little being as fully and unselfishly as people had promised I would. I was scared I might not, that I might be too selfish or insistent upon my sleep, schedule, and needs to fully feel what others experienced. Up until the moment he was out and in my arms, I wondered.

After that, immediately, is a different story all together. My heart opened in ways I can't explain, and even though I'd just met him, I'd die for him on the spot. I would have done anything, and I hadn't even seen his face. I had a few problems after I had him, so they wouldn't let him stay in my room. Every 2 and a half hours, a bright light would shine as the door opened, and I'd think, "I've been waiting for you". My tired eyes had been on the clock, waiting for them to bring him back. Low blood counts, no rest, it already didn't matter. After the 3rd time, the face I'd just met became more familiar than mine or even Lance's. I remember thinking to myself, "I could pick you out of a hundred babies, over and over. They could change the line-up and I'd find you every time".

So, thus began motherhood for me. Before I knew it, it was rice cereal, then peaches, then grabbing little finger foods with thumb and pointer, ( then throwing them across the room). It was crawling and pulling up, knocking over and yelling "NO". Running away in anger, and running back for a hug. Big boy undies and big boy beds. It was bats and balls and letters and numbers. Mornings at school, nights at baseball games, skype sessions with Daddy and lots of moves. Hugs and tears, fatigue and pain, and joy beyond my ability to explain.

I am so thankful for him, for the chance to be his mom, for the joy he's brought and is bringing to my life. I'm thankful and filled with more understanding of my own mother than ever before. The moves she made where we found friends at school, and she was left home to make it a haven. The meals she placed before us, the plates she picked up and cleaned, the clothes that were perfectly pressed, the house that was magically spotless when we returned home. I understand the love she felt for us and why she did it. I also understand the loneliness she must have felt when she was in a new place, alone, with a traveling husband and kids who had many friends before she met one. The anxiety she must have felt, dropping us off at a new place and then meeting a new group of mothers, trying to infiltrate and find a friend. It was a tireless, thankless job - one which we never really understood. I know now, that her love for us fueled her, and she'd do it again in a heartbeat. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I get it, and I appreciate it more than I can say.

So, on this Mother's Day, I wanted to sit and remember. Proverbs says, "May she who gave you birth be happy". DONE! My sweet husband is on the road (Friday can't come fast enough!), but my little charge(s) (Rookie boy, too!) are beside me here in our little apartment in California. Motherhood is the sweetest love one can imagine. I have a lot to be thankful for. Happy Mother's Day!